take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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