My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Randomize
