Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
