Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
