a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
