Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
