sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
