she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
