When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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