If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
