i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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