just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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