Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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