Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
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