Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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