In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
