I accidentally had phone sex last night
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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