as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
