Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
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