but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
