3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
