she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
