I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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