I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
