The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
