She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
She even gives head with a lisp.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
