No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
love makes seman taste better
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
