College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
