Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
