Rock
Scissors
Fuck
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
