Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
