A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
