I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
