I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
