She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
