Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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