I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
