I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
So apparently I’m into choking now
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