Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
