hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
