i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
