my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
And then he peed in my hair
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