i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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