That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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