I wish I could teleport
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
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