My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
party gras won. party gras always wins.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
