One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
