Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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