i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
