also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
