Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
