Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
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