foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He called his prostate his "boner button".
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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