hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
