She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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