i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Rumble strips road head = magical
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
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